All the Nudes That Isn’t


In All the Nudes That Isn’t–

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Playboy will no longer feature nudes in the magazine.
Generations of boys will now grow up not knowing what a naked lady does not look like.

Now just Hugh Hefner’s geriatric sex column. The Playboy Devicer.
After the news sales of National Geographic spiked.

First Democratic debate is Big Nurse versus Irascible Codger.
Didn’t quite Feel the Bern, but there was some redness and inflammation.
The fact that Bernie Sander’s wife obviously shops at World Bazaar may have hurt his cause.
Bernie Sanders sweetened the pot with free college and dental–going to get caps all around and go back to school.
The other guys on stage did not leave a name.
One–I believe it was George Webb–was a military man who said that would make him a good Commander in Chief. A military man as Commander in Chief is how we got Idi Amin.
Think the guy from Rhode Island just kind of wandered onstage, waving all those Rhode Island electoral votes.
Empty podium for Joe Biden. Or maybe it was for Elijah on Passover.
How dare the Dems talk about nothing but issues? What was this, a debate?

The new Chevy Volt electric gets 53 miles on one charge, which will get you to Hartford, WI, assuming you’re here, but leave you 1,673 miles short of Mexico City.

The Elk have returned to Chernobyl and feel so good about it they’re just glowing.

With remnants of 10,000 lakes, Mars is what Minnesota will look like in 100 million years.
Apple owes the University of Wisconsin $862,000,000 for using “Jump Around” at their earnings reports.

Apple’s Siri can be hacked and made to say “Look it up your own damn self.”

Global warming sea-rise projections show Brooklyn will be the new Atlantis–all the hipsters will sink in those wool coats. Just silly hats floating where Williamsburg used to be.

In Saudi Arabia, 74 year old Brit gets 350 lashes for having wine, 50 each for body, aroma, hints of, bouquet of, audacity, earthiness and finish.

NASA may have discovered an alien civilization around a strange star . . . the sun!

Oscar Pistorius will get house arrest soon as the bathroom is fixed.

A New York restaurant ends tipping so diners will be forced to draw smiley faces on their own checks.
How about keep tipping, end the cost of a meal?

Sitting for long periods of time does not make death more imminent–unless it’s been several days.
Definitely give a poke after a week.

New VW North America chief quits after 2 weeks, citing fumes.

Dinosaurs were warm blooded one minute, cold the next.
That’s why brontosaurus always wore something around her shoulders.

Here in Wisconsin, the Chippewa will be able to hunt deer at night, but not from cars while blindfolded.
The Chippewa were heavy contributors to the failed presidential bid of Scott Walker.

Scott Walker is a million dollars in debt after his failed presidential bid, but the money will be siphoned out of the University of Wisconsin trust fund.

Scott Walker says he will not run again for president as Scott Walker.

That’s All the News That Isn’t

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