Gumby iPhone 6 and All the News That Isn’t
9-29-14
Million dollar marijuana crop discovered in Madison–we’re burning it as fast as we can.
India Mars orbiter beats Chinese, traveling at 25 mph, to Red Planet.
NASA Mars Rover drills into Mt. Sharp–Koch brothers have mineral rights to anything it finds.
Those of you gathering at Venice Beach for the George Clooney wedding, it’s the other one in Italy.
Quite the affair–can’t find a gondola for love nor money.
The British will not send in troops against ISIS according to spokesman Neville Chamberlain.
Obama Attorney General Eric Holder leaving the job. The Al Sharpton nomination may be hard to confirm.
Carlton from Fresh Prince wants to replace Holder, but they don’t look all that much alike.
Water on earth turns out to be older than the Sun, which means for a million years we didn’t know where all that dampness was coming from.
Paleontologists say dinosaurs had wings for 150 million years before they knew what they were for. Just swatted mosquitoes the size of geese with ’em for the longest time.
Never, in their wildest dreams, did dinosaurs think they would become chickens. Yet, they always tasted like chicken, which should have been a big red flag.
Derek Jeter leaves Yankees without disease named after him.
The Yankees are now expected to disband.
Kind of wish I would’ve followed his career before the end of it.
Climate Change March in New York added an estimated trillion tons of CO2 to the atmosphere from a million exhalers.
Changed Central Park into a reptile garden.
Cadillac secedes from General Motors making the minister’s Buick top of the line.
Watch for the new Springsteen release “Pink Buick” from the reissued “Buick Ranch” album.
My 3D printed car is in the 3D printed shop.
Kris and Bruce are breaking up, it’s official. Kris Koslowski and Bruce Bernstein–nice guys, wish them the best.
Is your iPhone 6 bending or are you happy to see me?
Gumby has one and he loves it!
Windows 9 coming out–that’s n-e-i-n.
FBI director a little hurt not included anymore in Friends and Family carrier plans.
People who spend long hours at work are more likely to develop medical disorders, but are more likely to be covered for them. So, it’s a trade off.
Multitasking found to shrink several lobes of the brain simultaneously.
Many multitaskers can drive, text and fill out accident reports simultaneously.
I’m a semi-tasker myself.
In Paris, a very short prankster arrested after walking several blocks under Kim Kardashian’s rear end. Well, il pleur.
North Korean leader feeling Kim Jong Unwell.
Wisconsin Republicans upset they can’t vote with their country club cards.
That new fence at the White House? Menards! Secret Service saved big money!
Like to remind those celebrating Oktoberfest it is September. And, anyway, October is spelled with a ‘c’ not a ‘k’.
This fall’s Milwaukee Brewers Cruise leaves port unexpectedly early–destination unknown.
That’s All the News That Isn’t 
Tags: climate march trillion tons co2, derek jeter disease, gumby iphone6
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