Oarfish Mislabeling & All the News That Isn’t


DC NFL team renamed Washington Palefaces.

Government returns to normal malfunction.

Biggest change is name to protect credit rating–now the USAAA.

Shutdown agreement finally reached after pushing Mitch McConnell over $3 billion dam. Worth every cent.

Stenographer yelling about Freemasons only one making sense during the whole ordeal.

Stenographer said Holy Spirit made her do it, marking the first appearance of the Holy Spirit in Congress.

National Zoo’s baby panda back home after spending 2 weeks in a cardboard box on the mall, break dancing for bamboo.

Leaker William Snowden says he took no secret documents to Russia but did smuggle 25 snakes in his undies.

Ancient skull confirms widespread belief that all men are alike.

Yeti remains prove abominable snowman part polar bear part Ted Cruz’s cousin.

Rare 18 foot oarfish shows up at Trader Joe’s mislabeled as sturgeon.

It rains diamonds on Saturn, but no such luck on Uranus.

In his defense, substitute teacher who passed out in class from heroin did not expect to be called that day.

Vatican says that was not a misspelling on the religious medal, that was his half-brother Lesus.

Better Business Bureau downgrades Tea Party to B-, “some complaints.”

Obamacare sign-up leaves troubled website for Twitter, but coverage limited to 140 characters.

Costco chicken may have salmonella but you sure get a lot of it!

Altruism gene discovered before being given away.

Presidentially obese William H Taft used a low-carb diet to slim down to Woodrow Wilson.

Sharp increase noted in Republican on Republican crime.

China has been trading pandas for reactor uranium because the little fellas would not stay in the cooling tubes.

Man declared legally dead learns to live with it.

Uncle Max’s Particle loses out to God Particle at Nobels.

Tesla electric car bursts into flame showing the downside in making them out of wax.

People burn more calories when they stand up but tend to launch into comedy routines.

Inebriated Milwaukee man gets jail time for voting twice, even though his votes cancelled each other out.

That’s All the News That Isn’t

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