All the News That Isn’t 4-16-12


President Obama says wives are off the table.

I’m just grateful my wife hasn’t be subjected to such scrutiny.

Of course, Ann Romney was born Ann Page.

She certainly did work a day in her life. It was a Tuesday.

Well, volunteer. Raised money for new back packs for the missionaries.

Fact is Ann had to be mommy and daddy to those five boys, what with Mitt running for president for a living.

Really it’s Mitt who hasn’t worked a day in his life.

We do need to respect choices women make, especially in husbands.

Best thing to come out of this is the Obamas and the Romneys have agreed to do Wife Swap.

This fall on Bravo, “War on Women: Taking It to the Mud.”

Fox news poll has Obama running behind Hitler.

North Korea says the nuclear test will go much better.

The problem with the rocket launch was the North Koreans used a modified Nodong missile. And it lived up to its name.

Down to just 78 Communists in the Democratic Party. Kids just don’t want to make the commitment anymore.

President Obama promoting Buffet the Vampire Killer.

So far only the Chinese are attracted to the Buffet Plan because they think it comes with salad bar.

Paulie Ryan says his faith inspired his Pagan Babies Healthcare Plan.

Farm animals advised not to use antibiotics for every little infection.

Fewer chickens raising Americans in their backyards.

New Texas stem cell restrictions mean Rick Perry must be put to sleep.

At the nuclear talks, Iran offers 5% off on broadlooms.

The Duggars adopt Rick Santorum. What’s one more?

Facebook pays $1 billion for an app that looks like a Kodak Brownie. Heckuva job, Brownie!

UCLA tells 894 students they’re accepted at USC.

Flashback virus turns Macs into Apple 1’s and iPhones into Newtons.

Bobby Petrino dumped his little mamma off his bike because its hard to shift a Harley with goat legs.

Tennesseized bees found in Africa.

Tiger really needs to get laid.

Ozzie Guillen grows beard, hijacks team bus to Havana.

10 year olds everywhere disgusted that T Rex was a giant emu.

Jeb Bush IS der Golem.

Springsteen to play Wrigley Field–in center, and

The 4 bears that nearly ate Vermont’s governor have been trapped and will be relocated to Wisconsin . . .

. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .

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