All the News That Isn’t for 9/26/11


Remember when shutting down the government seemed like a bad thing?

Tea party: Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything

Satellite falls on Ron Paul. Supposed to pick him up and return him home, but it crashed.

Particle smarter than Einstein discovered.
A subatomic particle that scampers when you turn on the lights.

HP ends up on eBay.

Google debate produces no results.

Perry scored on immigration when he said you don’t know how hard it is to get Americans to pick lettuce.

Romney pledged social security will be buried in a lockbox in the Granite Mountains in Utah. Guarded by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Bachmann stepped in it again, saying the stem cell injections made Perry retarded.

Cain claimed he invented stuffed crust.

House votes to shut down Red Sox.

Responding to death penalty criticism, Perry ends last meals.

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell reverts to marital use.

NPR ends Wait, Wait, Don’t Ask Me, Don’t Tell Me policy.

Palestinian state to be called Isnotrael.

President Obama offers Palestinians a theme park instead of a state–6 Flags Over Palestine.

Now the Anabaptists want their own state.

Post Office will deliver babies.

Woman with 3 uteruses delivers twins and a pound of bacon.

Existing home sales rise; unfortunately the families go with them.

President Obama transformed into Give ’em Hell, Barry.

President Obama’s 3 trillion in cuts come from Warren Buffet’s IRA.

Germans will underwrite Euro debt if they can burn Paris.

S&P downgrades Italy, wakes up next to horse’s head.

Greece finds cure for economy: Windex.

Asian carp make it up Lake Michigan as far as Skokie where they are gefilte fished.

Warden’s wife who ran off with killer sentenced to speed dating at Oklahoma State Reformatory.

President Obama gets simple inpatient procedure to appeal to Jewish vote.

Rick Perry says Jew’all come on down, hear?

Most Jewish Texans support Neiman-Marcus

and Slippery Rock joins the Big 12 . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .

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