All the News That Isn’t


Barrack and Tiger stage comebacks, Manny, not so much.

President Obama said, “Americans of different beliefs came together and kicked the living crap out of one another.”

That’s the beauty of the system.

Shutting down the government is all well and good, but don’t underestimate the power inertia.

Came very close to bringing duels back to Congress.

If student councils worked this way we’d never have prom. If the NFL worked this way we’d have the NFL.

All came down to defunding Planned Parenthood, which would’ve have saved very little since they buy their condoms in bulk.

Obviously none these Republicans were planned, or if they were it went horribly wrong.

In a compromise on the major social issue, abortion will be limited to Democrats only.

The final deal made the first deep but not fatal slash of $38 billion–Trump change.

The big stuff is coming from economic genius and B+/C- Janesville Craig National Merit Semi-Finalist Paulie Ryan.

The Path to Prosperity, formerly known as The Road to Ruin.
Even Draconian for Draco.

Medicare will be replaced with Ethical Suicide Parlors and a free last meal from the adjacent Howard Johnson’s.

Medicaid: schnapps on a cotton ball.

In other news–

Trump private dick in Hawaii discovers Obama heir to King Kamehameha’s throne.

Contenders for Wisconsin’s Supreme Court will job share–she in Madison and he in Waukesha.

A few irregularities in the voting as 14,000 votes turn up in a creel in Pewaukee.

NATO says what the heck it was friendly fire. Libyan rebels are advised to wear orange.

Paulie Ryan offers Final Solution for Baby Boomers.

Still no volunteers for Republican nomination. Romney’s waiting on a salamander to tell him to run. Michele Bachman is having second thoughts about being remotely even the slightest bit qualified for the job. Mike Huckabee is reluctant to leave Arkansas with noodling season just around the corner.

They’re checking to see if Stassen might still be alive.

Katie Couric: The Long Colonoscopy Goodbye. First, Iraq for a last ditch attempt at gravitas.

Frankly, she’s at the age where perky is not a bad thing.

Khalid Sheik Yerbooty will get a 21 gun salute at Gitmo.

Southwest Airlines was serious about freeing you to move about the country.
Hey, the bags were flying free.

WI Governor Walker rejects Madison–fortunately, he has no jurisdiction over El Commandante Paul Soglin’s “People’s Republic of Madtown.”

Glenn Beck experiences Rapture, transcends Fox for even fairer and more balanced realms. As it was prophesied, btw.

Trump hair not born in the USA.

In letter to Obama Khadafy calls him “my son” giving some credence to Trump’s claims.

If Trump spoke Spanish he’d be Hugo Trumpez.

Somali pirate sentenced to cabin boy duty on Carnival Cruise featuring Charlie Sheen nightly in the lounge.

Fatal flaw in Google driverless car–you have to search for it, and

Barry Bonds claims it was Botox in the buttocks . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .

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2 Comments on “All the News That Isn’t”

  1. Howard Covitz Says:

    If you read this on-air, I recommend using helium, to give it better context.


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