All the News That Isn’t (and some that is)

April 26, 2010

Poll finds 4 out of 5 Americans have no trust in government and the other one is in it.

In Florida passion play it’s Crist on the Cross.

Apple employee who lost next generation iPhone in bar now sporting a Newton.

The most interesting revelation about the 4G iPhone is that it’s a suppository. Wonder how it fell out.

Thief steals Denver man’s finger along with his iPad—but it’s useless without the hand.

Spirit Airlines to charge passengers for being overweight—but your Spirit flies free.

In retaliation for French face-veil ban, berets and carrying a loaf of bread in your armpit now taboo in Saudi Arabia.

In dramatic gesture, President Obama leaps into NY Stock Exchange mosh pit and is not body passed.  Mr. Obama’s take on Gordon Gecko—“Greed is OK”—gets a tepid response.

South Park producers warned by Revolution Jewish that robotic depictions of Barbra Streisand are not Kosher.

New $100 bill unveiled as iPhone app. Ronald Reagan will be on the 50, although it’s a later portrait and he’s facing the wrong way.

Octomom tells Oprah if she did it again she’d have 8 husbands.  Denies Stedman is the father.

First HD pictures of the sun melt immediately.

Air Force launches top secret modified Winnebago in earth orbit, would not verify how the electrical hookup is going to work.

Holiday changed to National Day of Haven’t Got a Prayer.  And, next year, it’s going to be Get Your Kids Out of Here Day.

UK flights back to normal after a week of shoe bombers cooling their heels at Heathrow.

Madison’s mayor and county exec were stranded in Amsterdam for a week. He’s a boy, she’s a girl—expect a new unit of government.

Arizona law requires proof of passage on the Mayflower.  Many retirees are being shipped back to their countries of origin or Brooklyn, whichever comes first.

Dr. Death turns out to be Al Pacino.

Gay character in Archie turns out not to be Archie; Veronica appears to have large hands and feet.

Hacker on trial says he just guessed Sarah Palin’s password was ubetcha.

Raw milk movement gathers steam in Wisconsin, coalesces into new entity, the Teat Party.  “Hands Off Our Teats!” the rallying cry.

And in Wisconsin, all Indian mascots have been recalled unless they refer specifically to casinos—the Ho Chunk Slots, for example, the Pottawatomie Fighting Bingos, or the Oneida Let-It-Rides . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .

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3 Comments on “All the News That Isn’t (and some that is)”

  1. AsKatKnits Says:

    Wonderful, I have happily linked you on my site!


  2. ryry paddie Says:

    unsure if it is funnier read than heard..are the audience members compelled and forced not to laugh in the first ten minutes?


  3. moondances Says:

    I love your news, look forward to it each week. Hey, did you hear about the failed balloon launch by NASA in Australia? The engineers couldn’t figure out why the helium lift failed. Oddly enough, they all sounded like Donald Duck when they talked to the news reporters…

    OK, that’s why you’re Michael Feldman and I’m not! Keep up the good work, we enjoy watching the show on JimCam each week.

    – Lynn from Inman SC with a case of Lefse in the freezer direct from Madison!


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