Archive for January 2016
Cruz charges Trump with New York values–if he means Billy Joel I’m with him on this one.
Trump charges Cruz with Saskatoon values–Gordie Howe Bowl and that.
Republication of Mein Kampf reveals Trump’s best lines were stolen.
Hitler back in print, Cosby out–Fatherland, Ja, Fatherhood nein.
Survey finds Walmart closings way more alarming to Americans than the government being overthrown.
At least the Walmart greeters have panhandling skills.
At $30 barrel now worth more than oil.
Bottom has fallen out of sludge entirely; Keystone the pipeline to nowhere.
President Talks Sense to Congress Leaves Them Baffled.
President Obama’s last State of the Union like Mr. Cleaver sitting with his arm around the Beav times 435.
434–Eddie Rand Paul Haskell was chatting up Mrs. Cleaver.
Side note–Kim Davis came stag illustrating the state of her union.
Netflix’s Making a Murderer wins Golden Globe for best comedy.
Most of the Powerball 1.5 billion will go to repay Ted Cruz’s Goldman Sachs loan.
Reacting to another whiteout at the Oscars, the Academy has decided to award Morgan Freeman the Lifetime Achievement Award annually until further notice.
Morgan Fairchild mistakenly given it this year.
Market upside: the more the Dow sinks the simpler it will be to probate my estate.
Light seen coming from a black hole because they don’t want people to think no one’s home.
Donald Trump will not be banned from the UK but will be quarantined.
Discovery of butchered wooly mammoth in Siberia suggests Putin family goes way back.
Here in Wisconsin–Screech booked into Ozaukee County Jail–Netflix all over it.
Turns out North Korea does not have the H-bomb–they have an H2O bomb-a really big water balloon.
Survey shows 9 out of 10 Americans would rather see Kim Jong Un than Donald Trump with an H-bomb.
You know he would use it on Macy’s for dropping his line of Trump-wear for the fascist on the go.
South Korea’s response of blasting K-Pop across the DMZ said to be disturbing Kim’s Katy Perry listening on his Beats.
Oregon militia leader compares self to Rosa Park, because she only wanted a seat on the bus and to graze 100,000 head on public lands.
Law officials tell Oregon occupiers, “Just keep it white.”
Can’t really arrest your brother-in-law even if you’d like to.
Donald Trump says if the Brits ban him they can forget about the Lusitania–she’s going down.
New VW electric car will burn coal for electricity.
The general perception that Hillary is too close to big banks comes from the fact that she dresses like a teller.
Donald Trump raises the point that Canadian-born Ted Cruz can’t be president.
The bigger question is can the only unlikeable Canadian ever be elected president?
Rams offer to take St.Louis to California with them.
About time the Rams settled down.
Following President Obama’s gun control speech sale of ray guns on Uranus skyrocket.
Modifying their DNA can make ants change their jobs, so there’s hope for the rest of us.
After the Netflix furor over the Steve Avery conviction, History Channel viewers demand the release of Hitler.
Johnny Manziel defects to ISIS.
Aging Millennials saving more because YORO–You Only Retire Once.
Survey shows 3 bisexual women for every 1 bisexual man–so how is this gonna work? Shifts?
Showing his lighter side, President Obama opens his last State of the Union singing “You can have her, I don’t want her, she’s too fat for me.”
In Health and Fitness–
Fitness DVD”s can lead to poor body image, with the exception of Richard Simmon’s “Fitness Fiesta.”
Fitbit sued by users who claim the heartbeat monitor actually tracks their Beats headphones–so your heartbeat is not 140, Dr Dre’s is.
90% of Americans consume too much salt–on the other hand, they are very well preserved.
Brits told only 6 pints per week, making for a very sobering Sabbath.
Overnight the Oregon occupiers filter out to get Powerball tickets–because with a billion dollars the cows can graze wherever they damn well please . . .
That’s All the News That Isn’t