Archive for September 2015

Pope Donald I and All the News That Isn’t

September 28, 2015


So far, no I Fell With Walker bumper stickers.
Scott’s back home, but listless and out of sorts.
Not the Scott-free kid we’re used to.
Put the Harley up on blocks and ran the gas out.
Could have gone on the Milwaukee Bucks “Own the Future” bus tour, with Bango and the Bucks dancers, but his heart wasn’t in it.
Just needs something to take his mind off all this–and he already came up with a doozy of an idea–
A wall along Wisconsin’s border with the UP. Show the Yoopers we are unintimidated.

Super blood moon lunar eclipse and sure enough Johnny Manziel started.

Following the drug company’s lead, aspirin is now $147.50 a tablet.
And you’re gonna need 2.

Pope Francis met with President Obama–got along so well the result is “The Pontiff and the POTUS,” this fall on Fox.

The Pope’s speech in Congress was interrupted by genuflections 37 times.

Pope Francis spoke to the United Nations, although it’s not the first time someone has pontificated at the UN.
But the first time it was justified–he is the Pontiff.
The Pope told the nations of the world a fleet of intergalactic spacecraft is headed this way, and we have three months to forget national differences and learn a little catechism.
And don’t forget the Pagan Babies fund.
Pope Francis also asked if anybody could use a sweet Syrian couple he acquired–they’re really overstaffed at the Vatican, Swiss guards and all.
The Pope said the deal with Iran was a good thing, but that he would not be talking with the Lutherans. Too soon!
Some were surprised at his stance on global warming, but, hey, you try cooling the Vatican in Rome in August.
The Pontiff also attacked the boundless thirst for wealth and power, and, believe me, Donald Trump took it personally. He was bleeding all over the place.
Trump responded characteristically, telling the Pope, “You’re Fired!”
In response to the Pope’s speech, the Lakers acquired Meta World Peace and John Boehner quit.
Speaking of the lame-duck House leader, tapped to succeed Boehner as Speaker is Kentucky clerk Kim Davis.

Uber is banned in Brazil. The old Nazis in Brazil are a little uncomfortable with Uber.

Sprint offers to cut couple’s 2 million dollar Verizon bill in half.

Ben Carson says he would not vote for the Pope.

Drop in oil prices reduces oil sludge to just plain sludge.
Not much interest in the Keystone Sludgeline.

Brian Williams now claims he covered the Pope.

Ask your doctor if you can have sex–if he’s not willing find another doctor.

House of Unrepresentatives votes down Planned Parenthood, gives every child who was planned 30 days to get out.

VW’s catch phrase–Fahrvergn├╝gen–actually means fix (fahr) the software (vergnugen).

General Petraeus promises he will not invite the next one into his quarters to see his classified documents.

So far all they’ve got for the Apple Car is Gorilla Glass all around.
Looks a lot like the AMC Pacer.
Did update the Apple watch–now you can tell the time on one.

Microsoft Office 2016: now with cubicles!

Final thoughts on Scott Walker–
You know here, in Wisconsin, we were selfishly hoping he’d win.

That’s All the News That Isn’tpope don

The Tragedie of John of Boehner

September 25, 2015

The Tragedie of JOHN OF BOEHNER

Methinks I am a prophet new inspired
And thus expiring do foretell of him:
His rash fierce blaze of riot cannot last,
For violent fires soon burn out themselves;
Small showers last long, but sudden storms are short;
He tires betimes that spurs too fast betimes;
With eager feeding food doth choke the feeder:
Light vanity, insatiate cormorant,
Consuming means, soon preys upon itself.
This sceptered aisle, this happy breed of men,
This little world, this blessed plot, this earth,
This realm, this Congress.
This land of such dear souls, this dear dear land,
Dear for her reputation through the world,
Is now leased out, I die pronouncing it,
Like to a tenement or pelting farm:
This land bound in with the triumphant sea
Whose rocky shore beats back the envious siege
Of watery Neptune, is now bound in with shame,
With inky blots and rotten parchment bonds:
This land that was wont to conquer others,
Hath made a shameful conquest of itself.
Ah, would the scandal vanish with my life,
How happy then were my ensuing death!jb cries

9 Questions to Ask After Scott Walker’s Withdrawal

September 23, 2015

9 Questions to Ask After Scott Walker’s Withdrawal

1. You gonna eat that?
2. Does he get to keep the money?
3. Get’s late early, don’t it?
4. Seahawks 0-2, 0-2, 0-2!!
5. Should put the Brewers to sleep, huh?
6. Because he had like 20 million, right?
7. Worst possible outcome: Hillary/Carley, n’est pas?
8. Better to have a lot of poor friends than a few rich ones, hey.
9. I mean you always have the poor ones. 519096826_c_570_411

Saturn’s Salad Moon Enceladus and All the News That Isn’t

September 21, 2015


Amber Alert . . . young Scott Walker missing since Wednesday. Last seen heading south on vintage Harley. . . helmetless white male wearing ‘indomitable’ cut-off blue jean biker jacket . . . Amber Alert . . .

You know things are bad when it’s Jesus Calling Collect.

Governor Walker is the only candidate Jesus talks to, although Donald Trump talks to Jesus. Well, talks–tells him a thing or two.

During the Republican debate I learned that the 11 individuals were an extinct branch of entry- level hominids.
Gosh Nova is interesting.
Could have watched Duck Dynasty but it’s pretty much the same as the GOP debates.
Best part of the debate was when they all crowded onto the right wing of Air Force One at the Reagan Library.

Feel bad for the Reagan Library staff–still counting the slashes in Trump’s toga.
Republican’s problem is no Marc Anthony to bury Caesar.

An unintended result of the Trump bashing, Carly Fiorina now feels enabled to get ugly.
Scott Walker was next to her–on her right–kept raising his hand and she wouldn’t call on him!
Playing teacher to Scott Walker is the worst thing you can do to him.

Anyway, the GOP nominee remains TBA.

Jewish teen makes homemade clock–nothing!

While here Pope Francis will appear on America’s Got Pontiffs.

The Pope is speaking Spanish on his tour just to keep Donald Trump–a notorious ring kisser–away.
Pope’s Spanish said to be good, if a bit ‘vous.’

Burger King Peace Day riots continue in India.
Hamburgers for peace not an Indian tradition.
Take more than 2 hands to handle this whopper.

Study finds 2 people on the same anti-depressant repel.

North Korea and Amazon now have missiles pointed at one another’s launch pads.
Kim Jong Bezos close to the ultimate Prime Delivery.

In defense of Donald Trump, he thought the guy said “Obama wears muslin!”
And the Donald thought, being a Kenyan, he probably does.
An apology from Trump would be like Groucho actually defending Margaret Dumont’s honor.

Ahmed Mohammed and his clock on America’s Got Talent.
Ahmed is up for the Peace Prize which, ironically, includes a handmade clock.

Ann Coulter bites off more than she can Jew.
Reluctant to schedule an Ann Coulter/Bernie Sanders Celebrity Death Match–
still, if she dies, she dies.

If Budweiser, et al, buys Miller, et al, it will open the 7th Seal of the Beerocalypse.

Gas hits 2 bucks by Christmas we’re driving to the Holy Land.

On the vaccine thing at the GOP debate, obviously if they had been vaccinated they wouldn’t be Republicans.

This just in–Carly Fiorina suspends her campaign after her HP stock tanks.
Another golden parachute goes thud.

With Donald Trump the father-in-law and Hillary the mother-in-law from hell, when this thing is all over, they should marry. Be the Number 1 Power in-Laws.

Jeb Bush offer fig leaf to Trump: a real Indian casino in Florida, right on the water.
Water, well, the Everglades.

80 nanometer invisibility cloak waiting for the right wearer.
Very tiny, doesn’t wish to be seen.

This year’s flu vaccine works on last year’s flu.
Fortunately I still have last year’s flu.

Saturn moon Enceladus covered in salad.

Scott Walker plan to slash and burn all unions should bring child soccer ball sewing work back to the US, providing a huge jump in the Governor’s jobs total . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’tSaturn copy