Ted Cruz signs up for Obamacare because he’s a mass of preexisting conditions.
Cruz is the guy in the fallout shelter game who never gets saved.
What–he’s going to reproduce with Katy Perry to repopulate the earth? Don’t think so.
Harry Reid will not run again in 2016 which not only frees up the office but the name for an aspiring porn star.
A momentary lull in Obama bashing after George Zimmerman blames him for everything.
Indiana passes the Religious Freedom Act which means a Baptist doesn’t have to serve an Anabaptist.
Utah humane firing squad gives the guy a 50 yard head start.
Nine-foot upright walking crocodile vies for most justifiable evolutionary dead-end with bus-sized salamander having toilet seat head.
A lot of evolutionary dead-ends until what you see before you.
King Richard III re-buried beneath a Leicester car park.
Paul McCartney and Metallica will deadline Lollapalooza. Make that headline.
Land’s End recalls flammable PJ’s as a hazard for kids who smoke in bed.
Ultrasounds show that mothers smoking give fetuses something to do with their hands.
Yemen 51st state solution proposed–come in right after Wyoming.
Kids, Sana’a is the state capital of Yemen.
Mother’s milk now so valuable not unusual to run across a nursing banker.
Israeli PM Netanyahu proposes a two-faced solution in the middle east.
Very close to April Madness. That’s when low productivity at work can’t be explained.
FAA approves Amazon flying-monkey delivery.
Dolce & Gabbana decide to put off having a family.
Chicago Bear’s GM says it’s a good idea to add a quarterback every year, which means in the year 2525 (if Bears are still alive) the Bears will have 514 quarterbacks. One’s gotta work.
After Wisconsin drops to 40th in job growth, Scott Walker to run for President of the Bottom 10.