Archive for July 2014

Thor Looks Marvelous and All the News That Isn’t

July 21, 2014


45 years since either one step for a man or mankind on the moon–amazing how, given the technology of the day–they were able to fake the moon landing.

Chris Christie in Iowa blocks all traffic on the Roseman covered bridge.
And I mean personally–stuck right in it.
Nothing gets in or out of Winterset, Iowa.

Washington, DC decriminalizes marijuana, but it’s $5,000 and a year in jail for roach littering.
So, eat ’em if you got ’em.

You have Stage 14 Tour de France when the latex actually replaces the skin, and the seat–you don’t want to know.

Center for Disease Control rethinking its policy of storing infectious diseases in the sock drawer.
But, you can still subscribe to the mail order toxin-of-the-month club.

House proceeds with impeachment charges against President Obama–so far they only have uppity.

Energy drink cocktails found to give you just enough energy for another energy drink cocktail. And so on.
I took a 5 Hour Lethargy–at this point what am I going to do with energy?

Facebook has a new purchase button which finally makes it possible to buy a friend.

Japanese artist jailed for her vagina boat being held in 3D printed cell of her lady parts.

Big shakeup at Marvel Comics–Thor is now a woman and looks marvelous! Who knew what Thor’s secret weapons really were?
Captain America now Captain African-America–long overdue!
And Spidey hangs it up–actually living with a fly! Well, Jeff Goldblum.

Baseball commissioner and Milwaukeean Bud Selig will leave the post and go back to selling 1960 Ford Galaxy’s and 500’s.

Oklahoma says, same sex marriage, OK!

Amazon rolls out a service that, for 10 bucks a month, lets you read the books you already have.

Kia recalls 50,000 Souls. More on this on Sunday.

Barbie sales so far down she’s thinking of having a little work done.
See if she can raise them up again. The sales.
Real problem is with all that’s out there Barbie’s no longer the impossible dream for girls.

New Airbus jet liner so long it can taxi to its destination.

Google smart contact lens yells “help me! help me” after falling to carpet.

After Fiat merger with VW, just need Toyota for Axis Motors.

Harvard study finds early birds do not, in fact, get worms.

GM goes around ignition problem by returning to cranks.

NASA opens rocket competition to the average guy, which results in basements across America blowing up–garages on the west coast.

Here in Wisconsin, Governor President Walker calls for rolling back edjukayshun standards . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’t . . . thor-001

Tupperware Arrives for Leftovers and All the News That Isn’t

July 14, 2014


white-clouds-in-blue-sky-1032898-m copy
Cleveland the new Miami.
Both conventions and King James: hat trick for Cleveland.
Leaves Milwaukee only mistake on the lake.
Cleveland: More Than Garfield’s Tomb.
The LeBron Age.

Jason Kidd red-eyes to Rio to interview for coaching position.
Good news for Brazil–they have a dozen unusable stadiums which will make excellent ruins, and that means tourism.
OK which German prankster raised one of Jesus’ arms?
Some fear Germans want world more than cup.

39% of millennials support Hillary despite her being of another millennium.
Reminds them of their dad.

There is some hope Indiana won’t recognize hetero-marriage as well.
Six time zones they can’t manage a couple flavors of marriage?

NSA mined personal files of Americans including baby pictures–and, let me tell you, little Eddie Snowden was one pretty baby. Those cute little frames.

Edward Snowden has asked the Russians for a visa extension and fresh towels and sheets.
And, please, no more Dostoyevsky, Tolstoy or Kropotkin, particularly Kropotkin.
Having to prove phone not dead makes it all but impossible for zombies to fly to US.

Hobby Lobby will offer employees plans for knittable contraceptives.
Plus, there’s tons you can do with a hot glue gun and a little imagination.

New Harry Potter story–Middle Aged Harry and the Worrisome Prostate Number.

New Pink Floyd album, The Dark Side of the Prostate. Floyd ain’t so Pink anymore.

Cubs have one all star and he’s been traded. Making the other guys look bad.
May be able to play in retro uniform.

Dow Jones tops 31/2 bitcoin.

Good jobs report blamed on Obama.
President Obama is less popular than Nixon, who at least played the piano.

The House, still working on its first piece of legislation, sues President Obama for dereliction of duty.

Pistorius has disability anxiety but is taking murderous rage for it.

Waitresses at Rifle, Colorado diner carry loaded guns; tips up 100%.
Lot of folks leaving their watches and rings as well.

If nothing else, the Sterlings going to have some pretty ugly makeup sex.

Imagine what President Obama and Rick Perry couldn’t do together!

Alcohol does not benefit the heart but is great for the kishkes.

Seattle Seahawks appear listless and lackadaisical after weed approved in Washington State.

Spoilage Alert: The Leftovers ends with arrival of The Tupperware.

In new movie “Lucy” Scarlett Johansson uses 100% of brain 110% of body.

Potato Salad kickstarter hits $40,000–hoping for another 10k for bacon.

Brett Favre’s number 4 jersey will be buried at Lambeau Field but only with Brett in it . . .

. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t …..