Archive for June 2013

Yeezus Is Yust All Right & All the News That Isn’t

June 24, 2013


At the Brandenburg Gate President Obama calls for a concerto.

If something bad comes out of this speech it will be Brandenburggategate.

In a stirring speech President Obama tells Berliners “Ich bin ein Fahrvergnugen.”

The meeting with Putin did not go well after the President opens with a Super Bowl ring joke.

Wasn’t only that Putin took the Super Bowl ring but he was wearing it around his neck.

House eliminates abortion except in the case of Democratic parents.

Plan to lasso asteroid shot down by the House No Ways and No Means Committee.

NSA director testifies before the House Intelligence Committee, then has to kill them.

House Intelligence Committee: there’s a tough committee to staff.

Taliban negotiations–after shaking hands remember to check all your extremities.

Putin leaves the G8 summit with 3 Rolexes and a Louis Vuitton bag.

NATO hands off Afghan security to Iraqis.

Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski backs same-sex marriage because anything is better than Verne.

Dolce & Gabbana sentenced to jail for one horrific pair of frames too many.
Love Dolce, hate Gabbana.

Miley Cyrus says the pot is for the cataracts.

AMA says obesity is a disease but large-boned is a roll of the dice.

Undocumented workers to install 700 miles of border fence.

A good start, but it would be nice to fence the coasts in case they come by sea.

One does have the sneaking suspicion all the border agents are to keep us in.

Paula Deen’s “N” word is NutraSweet.

Paula’s Apple Brown Betty has been expunged form the Food Network recipe book.

Fed chairman Ben Bernanke will turn up in Hong Kong next.

Supreme Court, defend your own damn marriage! Especially you, Clarence.

Leaker Snowden in Ecuador after packing for Iceland.

For those whose brains aren’t comes the 3D brain.

A 3D printer prints a 3D printer which prints . . .

The Girl from Ipanema Barricades latest for Jobim, and

Kanye’s new song Yeezus is Yust All Right with Me . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’t

Whistling Hitler Tea Kettle & All the News That Isn’t

June 17, 2013

June 17, 2013

Too bad about the Supreme Court decision–I was hoping to patent my genes for Father’s Day.

The good news is that not a single Supreme Court justice will be able to patent his or her genes.

Leaker Edward Snowden appears on the Chinese 10,000 Yuan note.

The NSA is rethinking its strategy of hiring security contractors from guys standing around the Home Depot lot.

Turkey illustrates why fewer and fewer countries are now building squares.

Challenged on their stop and frisk policy, New York City police will now frisk on the go.

The guy eating ice cream out of the machine and the guy licking the tacos are not the same guy. Good news is they will not be able to patent their genes.

The Wisconsin assembly passes a bill allowing your to stick donations right in your representatives g-string. After an ultrasound.

The immigration bill is hung up on migrating birds.

Penny’s whistling Hitler tea kettle re-design looks very much like Stalin.

The Census Bureau says Asians are the new Hispanics.

Tomato sauce good for the prostate but hard to slather on.

Turns out a chemical in food packaging is what makes you fat, so you may as well throw away the contents.

Study finds hands-free head banging still a driving distraction.

US tells leaker Edward Snowden he may be a Publishers Clearing House Winner, but must accept the giant plywood check in person.

The Putins divorce–Lyudmila gets everything east of Vladivostok. Turns out to be the Sea of Japan. Big opportunities in divorce law in Russia.

And, Rupert and Wendi Murdoch divorce, because frankly, she’s not getting any younger . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’t . . . .

Zumba Bumba Bumba & All the News That Isn’t

June 3, 2013


A warning to early-adopters of self-driving cars–they tend to keep going without the self-parking option.

And watch out for the self-driving police cars.

Michelle Bachmann returns to her native soil.

Bachmann’s retirement leaves the Tea Party with just the front half of the horse.

6 billion Simolians laundered through Sims House Party.

Chinese baby: was it sewercide?

Walmart–everyday highly toxic waste. But, made in the USA!

On the ricin pen-pal front–a guy in Shreveport with a load of castor beans in his F-150 shouldn’t be too hard to find.

Ann Romney says she’s very, very partial to Paul Ryan, and in every, every way.

The Chinese buy Paula Deen.

Obama and Christie in another taffy pull on the Atlantic City boardwalk, to shouts of “get a room!”

Maine dance instructor gets 10 months for Zumba Bumba Bumba.

With Nike out of the picture, Livestrong to go with Ball Jar Rubbers.

Travelers to Mars advised to pack 1 million SPF sun block.
And, of course, your Oakleys.

The 100 millionth iPod sold brings the total up to $10 in taxes.

Guns labeled environmentally friendly go unsold.

Former Senator Bob Dole says he would not hold the current Republican Party’s pen.

$600 for a Stones ticket–with the Oxygen tank rental, comes to quite a pretty penny for the evening.

For the more sophisticated taste–Google under Glass.

Lunar industry staying up nights trying to keep up with the Solar industry.

Asteroid misses earth by so much its laughable.

Rise in consumer confidence not related to the economy. Just a nice day, kid weren’t screaming.

UPS to go with Big Brown drones.

Cruise passenger Bill of Rights: you can jump, eat the buffet before it spoils, or take your chances in a dinghy, and

It is now possible for a gay young man to be openly Boy Scout.

That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .

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