Archive for April 2012

All the News That Isn’t for 4-23-12

April 23, 2012

Hopefully, the president’s protection was using protection.

The Secret Service–always ready to take one for the President.

Knew something was wrong when I saw the bumper stickers–Secret Service Does It With Earpieces.

WWCED: What Would Clint Eastwood Do

Ironic, since the hookers were their boots on the ground in Colombia.

Really, all just a rate of exchange problem–1 US dollar =1800 Colombian pesos. So hand somebody 30 bucks that’s 54,000 pesos. Before tip (another 18,000).

So what was she squawking about? Sarah Palin would’ve taken it.

You have to remember the last official visit to Colombia was Bill Clinton. So the groundwork had been laid.

Next, the FBI boys will be seen at a Passion Party.

Sarkozy is French for Obama. A lot of pressure since Carla goes to the winner.

Following Tupac’s success, a Reagan hologram will address the convention.

Planned Parenthood to offer aspirin between knees technique.

Shot in the Dark Parenthood new rival to Planned Parenthood.

Just glad my parents didn’t have Planned Parenthood.

Zimmerman apologizes to parents, saying he usually uses a .22 on the kids.

As a condition of his parole he must not sit on the roof with a shotgun.

Cookiegate–how elitist is it if Romney expected 7-11 cookies?

My concern with Ted Nugent’s remarks is how difficult it already is for a black Jewish nazi klansman.

Just the cat scratch fever talking.

Yes, he shouldn’t have offered to bring Romney scalps.
But, on the upside, interest in the Black Jew Nazi Klan Tour is huge.

Personally, if anybody threatens me, I hope it’s Ted Nugent.

Dick Clark dies a very old 22 year old.

Ryan Seacrest just had a dramatic flash forward.

Guess I’ll never get to dance with the girl with the streaked beehive on Bandstand.

Shuttle Discovery humps a 747 all the way to the Smithsonian.

Obama-Romney race close. Can’t be a good sign to hold a narrow lead over a man nobody likes.

Mitt Romney throws a couple of illegal aliens atop the car, drives off to dig the Keystone pipeline “by myself.”

Roger Clemons will have to produce his buttocks in his defense, so there’s a lot on his side.

No Pulitzer prize in fiction. There’s a book in that.

The parents who forced their 8 year old girl to wear an “I like to steal” sign have been stolen. No reward being offered.

Sheree is leaving Real Housewives, and I can’t tell you how bad I feel about knowing that, and

Nothing says “This Economy” like a Honus Wagner card going for only 1.2 million . . .

. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .

For geriatric use of 4/20

April 20, 2012

bandstand les elgar

All the News That Isn’t 4-16-12

April 16, 2012

4-16-12

President Obama says wives are off the table.

I’m just grateful my wife hasn’t be subjected to such scrutiny.

Of course, Ann Romney was born Ann Page.

She certainly did work a day in her life. It was a Tuesday.

Well, volunteer. Raised money for new back packs for the missionaries.

Fact is Ann had to be mommy and daddy to those five boys, what with Mitt running for president for a living.

Really it’s Mitt who hasn’t worked a day in his life.

We do need to respect choices women make, especially in husbands.

Best thing to come out of this is the Obamas and the Romneys have agreed to do Wife Swap.

This fall on Bravo, “War on Women: Taking It to the Mud.”

Fox news poll has Obama running behind Hitler.

North Korea says the nuclear test will go much better.

The problem with the rocket launch was the North Koreans used a modified Nodong missile. And it lived up to its name.

Down to just 78 Communists in the Democratic Party. Kids just don’t want to make the commitment anymore.

President Obama promoting Buffet the Vampire Killer.

So far only the Chinese are attracted to the Buffet Plan because they think it comes with salad bar.

Paulie Ryan says his faith inspired his Pagan Babies Healthcare Plan.

Farm animals advised not to use antibiotics for every little infection.

Fewer chickens raising Americans in their backyards.

New Texas stem cell restrictions mean Rick Perry must be put to sleep.

At the nuclear talks, Iran offers 5% off on broadlooms.

The Duggars adopt Rick Santorum. What’s one more?

Facebook pays $1 billion for an app that looks like a Kodak Brownie. Heckuva job, Brownie!

UCLA tells 894 students they’re accepted at USC.

Flashback virus turns Macs into Apple 1’s and iPhones into Newtons.

Bobby Petrino dumped his little mamma off his bike because its hard to shift a Harley with goat legs.

Tennesseized bees found in Africa.

Tiger really needs to get laid.

Ozzie Guillen grows beard, hijacks team bus to Havana.

10 year olds everywhere disgusted that T Rex was a giant emu.

Jeb Bush IS der Golem.

Springsteen to play Wrigley Field–in center, and

The 4 bears that nearly ate Vermont’s governor have been trapped and will be relocated to Wisconsin . . .

. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .

chinese explain bo ouster

April 10, 2012

CPC Central Committee decided on Bo Xilai serious disciplinary problems to initiate an investigation
Apr 10, 2012 23:01 Xinhua
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Xinhua News Agency, Beijing, April 10 – View of Bo Xilai comrades suspected of serious discipline, the central authorities decided, in accordance with the relevant provisions of the Constitution of the Communist Party of China and the Chinese Communist Party discipline inspection organs cases to check work regulations “, and interdiction of his position as member of the Politburo Central Committee member from the Central Commission for Discipline Inspection of its investigation.