Archive for February 2012

All the News That Isn’t for 2-27-12

February 27, 2012

Man, I wish I would’ve kept my Nike Air Foamposite One Galaxy’s.

The first J.K. Rowling adult book is out, Receding Potter and the Passing of the Stone.

Silent film star wins best actor when no one realizes he’s French.

Time to start thinking in terms of quarts of gas. Buck and a quarter gas is cheap!

When they start asking for 5 gallons of Obama you’ll know he’s in trouble on this gas thing.

The President did open up the south lawn of the White House to drilling.

With Maryland, 8 states all can marry; 48 conceal and carry.

After the veto, people in New Jersey will have to make the drive to New Hampshire like Vito in the Sopranos to get her done.

In the NBA, Lin some lose some. It ain’t Harvard.

In baseball, time will tell how Ryan Braun does without the sesame seed bagels.

A guy who looks like he plays softball for the Crystal Corner Tavern suddenly most valuable player. I’m just saying.

Sarah Palin finally takes the bridge to nowhere. Goes wee-wee-wee-wee all the way home.

There are two Americas and neither wants to see the John Edwards sex tape. That would be the VHS labeled “Don’t muss my hair!”

Sears–where’s Roebuck when you need him?

Sears now says lose or break your Craftsman tool–the hell with you.

In New York City, Mayor Bloomberg keeps tabs on Muslims while Jews and Congregationalists run free.

Romney plays down Mexican heritage in Arizona debate.

Santorum goes Reagan-lite.

The difference between Santorum and Reagan is Reagan didn’t call the US the evil empire.

Santorum apparently was a senator at one time, but so was Caligula’s horse. And the horse had a lot of ‘splaining to do about its record before being put out to pasture.

Gingrich down to promising 2 dollar a gallon gas and a free set of dishes with a fill up.

President Obama throws a fast ball right down the middle of the plate with “It’s easy to make phony promises.” Right in the old wheelhouse.

Introducing iPad3–with wings!

Google Googles self creating infinite loop of doom.

Pope confesses gay marriage not the birth control he was thinking of.
The priesthood, that’s the ticket.

Life immeasurably better after Dow hits 13,000.

Endangered Sandhill crane season coming to New Wisconsin–and yes, the ultralight aircraft in the lead is fair game . . .

. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .

Jeremy Lincessant

February 24, 2012

The NY Knicks Lincandescent point guard Jeremy Lin has trademarked Linsanity–next—

Lin & Lout

All the News That Isn’t for 2-20-12

February 20, 2012

Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey vetoes same sex marriage despite being two same sex men.

Either need to let everybody do it or abolish marriage altogether. I’m leaning towards the latter.

On the upside, you can try to get a gay to marry you in 8 states now.

Newt Gingrich appears on milk cartons.

Callista’s Facebook status changes.

Apple raises pay of Chinese workers to 2 pot stickers and a steamed chicken foot.

iPads are being seized by the Chinese who play table tennis with them.

50 years ago today John Glenn made one 6th grader dream of being the first bar mitzvah boy in orbit.

Congress extends unemployment benefits to presidential candidates.

In Michigan, Romney counter-intuitively trashes autos in Detroit and tulips in Holland.

The Republican Contest–or, And Then There Were None.

You know they’re not constitutionally required to field a candidate. N/A will do.

As it stands right now, President Obama gets 99% of the Muslim vote.

The president has reached new heights of low popularity. Slightly ahead of Nixon in 1974.

Factory output jumps .7%. Jumps? Can you jump .7%? More of a shudder. Twitch, maybe.

Study concludes the US needs to manufacture more things we can’t afford to buy.

Homebuilder confidence is up–good because you don’t want a tentative guy up on the roof there.

On the upside, Whitney Houston gets a huge career bounce. And Bobby Brown doesn’t.

Chris Christie lowers the flags for Whitney, but would he have let her marry Beyonce? Forget about it.

Woman with a “cute figure” says TSA takes a picture so it will last longer.

Got the new full body scanner at the airport here and it’s very slimming.

Bishops say only acceptable contraception 3 Hail Mary’s and an Our Father.

A lot of Norwegians use lefse.

Among Jewish people the wife is considered a contraceptive.

After excavating everything north of Highway 29, the Wisconsin senate turns to draining the wetlands. Should have the state uninhabitable for man nor beast by the end of the governor’s first term. In Waupun.

At the rate for the 212 jobs the governor acquired @ $250,000 each, his promised goal of 250,000 jobs will cost the State of Wisconsin $6, 250,000,000. And worth every penny of it.

FDA calls erections lasting more than four hours on fake Levitra coincidence.

Jeremy Lin just about makes up for Yao Ming.

Iran having trouble with a foreign policy that doesn’t explode.

Thanks to Iran the Axis of Evil is now the Shaft of Evil.

Bain Capital wants its share of GM’s 7.6 billion or will see to it Chevys are made in Addis Ababa.

Joseph Kennedy III relaunches the brand.

Moody’s increasingly so.

Julian Assange harasses Marge, Wikileaks Homer on The Simpsons.

Undies bomber gets life in prison laundry.

Snickers downsized to Snick.

Man’s daughter returns laptop fire, shoots dad’s porno.

Rupert yells bloody Murdoch.

Santorum’s mother used aspirin for birth control, and

You just knew TCU was high in that Rose Bowl–we’re looking at a forfeit here . . .

. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .

Kids–bone up for Prof Wesley Smith’s Angels & Demons @ the Large Hadron Collider on this Saurday 18’s Whad’ya Know! Here are the lecture slides don’t ask how we got them. There will be a quiz!

February 14, 2012


Being Between a Scott & a Tonette

February 8, 2012