All the News That Isn’t

August 1, 2011

President agrees to throw out grandpa with the bathwater

Apparently they don’t teach negotiation at Harvard.

One of the few recorded instances of lemmings rushing into the sea taking the cliff with them.

So, do we have to give the health care back? Can’t even get in until November.

Only thing saved from the health plan will be the death squads.

In a sporting gesture, the elderly will be allowed to bob for meds.

Yes we can, but.

Entitlements reconfigured as privilegements.

Welcome to the United States of Wisconsin.

Military reduced to an expeditionary force.

All the ungodly result of a Boehner-Reid coupling.

The 112th Congress has been replaced with Toddlers & Tiaras.

The president may still invoke the 14th amendment by rejecting citizenship and thus any responsibility for this fiasco.

Asteroid 1,000 feet across dubbed “reputation,” because it precedes us in orbit.

Post office naming deadlocked in House when tea party demands Benedict Arnold postal station at Valley Forge.

Conceal and carry circuit judge in Wisconsin wounded when he gavels his .38.

Asian carp discovered on voting rolls in Waukesha.

Americans drinking less while needing it more.

Polygamist leader represented by sister-attorneys.

Exxon profit falls to 11 billion as they feel our pain. Remember, no smoking during the Exxon trickle down.

The TSA airport security will now tuck a dollar in your waistband before the patdown.

The guy who stole all the historic documents has a bill of sale from Ben Franklin.

Chris Christie back in the deli line.

President Obama’s “we’re surrounded, Tonto” speech falls flat.

White House unleashed tweets from hell in its “yes we spam” campaign.

Julia Roberts airbrushed to match her pictures.

NFL signing week chaos sends Elisabeth Hasselbeck to the Titans.

Patriots mistakenly acquire Chad Ochonueve.

NFL lockout reduced to just Bret Favre.

In the polls, God steady, Obama down ten.

Researchers conclude Neanderthals were gerrymandered by Cro-Magnons.

McDonalds pledges an apple slice in every Happy Meal and a chicken in every McNugget, and

Paul McCartney crushes Cubs at Wrigley . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .

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2 Comments on “All the News That Isn’t”

  1. Gary H. Says:

    So funny! Thank you for giving us something to laugh at when the news is so abusing lately. It took me a bit to get the Chad Ochonueve joke but it is clever. Haha


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