Archive for August 2011

40th Anniversary of 70’s Groundbreakers!

August 29, 2011

40th Anniversary Reissues of 70’s Groundbreakers
I’m OK You’ve Really Gone Downhill
Your Phreaking Cell Phone from The Anarchists New Cookbook
The Last Sex from the wimmin who brought you The First Sex
Zen and the Art of Honda Goldwing Maintenance
A Separate Real Estate: A Yacqui Way of Flipping
Siddhartha (rev) Why the Search for Enlightenment never works in German
Steal This eBook
Happy to Be Anywhere Now
The Joy of Shmex
Open and Shut Marriage
Back in the Nest: Jonathon Livingston Siegel
The Sinuous Man by m’s grandnephew
Nothing Future Shocks Me Anymore
Well Done Cool, the Haskell Wexler classic updated
William’s Doll Has Been Through a Lot
The Satanic Bible with a forward by Christine O’Donnell
Small is Beautiful: That’s What She Said edition
Ecotage Around the House: Sabotaging Your Own Yard
The Idiots Guide to Idiots

4oth Anniversary of 70’s!

August 29, 2011

40th Anniversary Reissues of 70’s Groundbreakers
I’m OK You’ve Really Gone Downhill
Your Phreaking Cell Phone from The Anarchists New Cookbook
The Last Sex from the wimmin who brought you The First Sex
Zen and the Art of Honda Goldwing Maintenance
A Separate Real Estate: A Yacqui Way of Flipping
Siddhartha (rev) Why the Search for Enlightenment never works in German
Steal This eBook
Happy to Be Anywhere Now
The Joy of Shmex
Open and Shut Marriage
Back in the Nest: Jonathon Livingston Siegel
The Sinuous Man by m’s grandnephew
Nothing Future Shocks Me Anymore
Well Done Cool, the Haskell Wexler classic updated
William’s Doll Has Been Through a Lot
The Satanic Bible with a forward by Christine O’Donnell
Small is Beautiful: That’s What She Said edition
Ecotage Around the House: Sabotaging Your Own Yard
The Idiots Guide to Idiots

All the Downgraded News That Isn’t

August 8, 2011

All the News That Isn’t for 8/8/11

From a democracy to a super-committeeocracy.

Biggest thing since Supertramp.

What bad has ever come from a congressional committee?

Smart to rename it–super death panel wasn’t going to fly.

Super committee charged with finding final solution.

US loses AAA rating for B-/C+.

No loans without collateral and someone signs for Uncle Sam.

You’d think a guy who prints his own money would have a pretty good credit rating.

The United States now has the same credit rating as JD Byrider.

Thank you Tea Party! Now into the bay with you!

While you’re on break, guys, how about remedial free market economics at the community college?

S & P as in Substandard & Poorer.

On Wall Street brokers half way out the windows. The tapping on the pane may not be a pigeon.

I don’t get it, it’s not their money.

When the crash comes how’s a guy gonna hop a high speed train?

Seeing your boss with all his belongings on a stick might almost be worth it.

American eagle downgraded to turkey.

Fed considering going back on the Glen Beck standard.

Obamacare replaced with schnapps on a cotton ball.

Market whipsawing the economy but the Tea Party saved a bunch on their car insurance.

NFL allows lawyers on the line of scrimmage.
Union reps have been moved up 5 yards for fewer run backs.

FAA funding restored so the TSA can dig in again.

Romney signs a pledge saying marriage is between one man and four women.

Bachmann signs a pledge saying marriage is between one woman and whatever Marcus is.

President signs a pledge saying marriage is whatever Michele says it is.

Following Palin lead, lowland gorilla tests the waters in Iowa after movie’s release.

Without Charlton Heston the apes don’t seem so attractive.

Newest Planet of the Apes spawns Jersey Shore of the Apes, The Real Apes of the Planet and the Apedashians.

Tea Partiers flood casinos trying to cover market losses.

Down to the Dow Pre-Industrials.

Jerry Lewis won’t be doing Jerry’s McDonald’s Wipe-out Kids Telethon this year.

Paul McCartney says when I call you up your line’s been hacked.

Old Navy stock sinks after Casey Anthony buying spree.

Fat lady sings at Obama 50th birthday party.

Happy Birthday Mr. President from Marilyn Manson.

Once the AARP card arrives he’s going to feel much differently about things.

The president got the usual 50th birthday novelty gifts–candy viagra, you know you’re fifty when playing cards, the little penis crutch.

Pussycat Woods returns to links.

Jor-el named head of super committee.

Bubble universe evidence suggests Welk was right.
And maybe they’re not so stupid for re-running him on PBS after all.

New analysis suggests it may have been the heat in Dallas and not Oswald,

And studies find even a little exercise is good for the heart, so take it out and throw it around a little . . .

. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t

Our Tough Love Economy

August 7, 2011

Personally, I didn’t want to retire anyway, so the prospect of tough love replacing Obamacare and entitlements reimagined as privilegements hardly fazes me.

True, 72 million baby boomers will soon be going boom simultaneously, but by then our severely pruned economic tree should be sprouting a sea of suckers, and there will be much shade to be had.

Yes, I have concerns for those ahead in the demographic anaconda – you wonder if global warming might affect the number of ice floes available to the elderly, or if the time has come for Vonnegut’s Ethical Suicide Parlors – adjacent to HoJo’s – at long last. Cost of living, sure, but let’s peg it to 1959 when they were last making a living. One thing is clear: older Americans want to do their part to stop sucking at the withered public teat.

Other social issues can easily be finessed – funding Unplanned Parenthood, for example, and extending the waiting period on abortions to nine months. Unemployment benefits just reward unemployment, so that’s a no-brainer, and union dues have a much higher likelihood of payout when placed on Powerball.

While public schools are the not the demons to me that they are to many tea party educational philosophers, if we simply adopt the English approach and call public schools private and vice-versa, problem solved – and without vouchers.

Despite my personal stake in public broadcasting, I have to say that cutting back NPR to simply R is not necessarily a bad thing. “No national, no public, just radio” does not have a bad ring to it.

I know Click will do fine on his own, and if Ira Glass can’t pull off “This Former American Life,” no one can. Garrison Keillor’s retiring anyway, so at least we’ll be spared “The Where’s Gary Home Companion.”

We’ve been the world’s greatest military power for so long now that we’ve all but forgotten the days when it began and ended with the Coast Guard. The plan to cut the military back to an expeditionary force, then, should not alarm us once we realize they’ll get in a heck of a lot less trouble that way.

“Pawn Stars” has always been open to military hardware, and a lot of us secretly long to see Chumlee Russell in a Bradley Fighting Vehicle. God knows the Libyans can use the uniforms. If the world still needs a policeman, let the Canadians give it a go – they’d be a lot nicer during routine stops, anyway.

The only downside I see in cuts to the bone, besides hitting the occasional artery, are the shock waves to the economy coming from yanking out petroleum and gas subsidies. The $11 billion Exxon first quarter profit, for example, can hardly be called incentive. For $11 billion, I don’t do any more than I have to, but sweeten the pot two or three times and the trickle down will soon be a deluge that will raise all ships. And isn’t that what this is really all about?

All the News That Isn’t

August 1, 2011

August 1, 2011

President agrees to throw out grandpa with the bathwater

Apparently they don’t teach negotiation at Harvard.

One of the few recorded instances of lemmings rushing into the sea taking the cliff with them.

So, do we have to give the health care back? Can’t even get in until November.

Only thing saved from the health plan will be the death squads.

In a sporting gesture, the elderly will be allowed to bob for meds.

Yes we can, but.

Entitlements reconfigured as privilegements.

Welcome to the United States of Wisconsin.

Military reduced to an expeditionary force.

All the ungodly result of a Boehner-Reid coupling.

The 112th Congress has been replaced with Toddlers & Tiaras.

The president may still invoke the 14th amendment by rejecting citizenship and thus any responsibility for this fiasco.

Asteroid 1,000 feet across dubbed “reputation,” because it precedes us in orbit.

Post office naming deadlocked in House when tea party demands Benedict Arnold postal station at Valley Forge.

Conceal and carry circuit judge in Wisconsin wounded when he gavels his .38.

Asian carp discovered on voting rolls in Waukesha.

Americans drinking less while needing it more.

Polygamist leader represented by sister-attorneys.

Exxon profit falls to 11 billion as they feel our pain. Remember, no smoking during the Exxon trickle down.

The TSA airport security will now tuck a dollar in your waistband before the patdown.

The guy who stole all the historic documents has a bill of sale from Ben Franklin.

Chris Christie back in the deli line.

President Obama’s “we’re surrounded, Tonto” speech falls flat.

White House unleashed tweets from hell in its “yes we spam” campaign.

Julia Roberts airbrushed to match her pictures.

NFL signing week chaos sends Elisabeth Hasselbeck to the Titans.

Patriots mistakenly acquire Chad Ochonueve.

NFL lockout reduced to just Bret Favre.

In the polls, God steady, Obama down ten.

Researchers conclude Neanderthals were gerrymandered by Cro-Magnons.

McDonalds pledges an apple slice in every Happy Meal and a chicken in every McNugget, and

Paul McCartney crushes Cubs at Wrigley . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .