Archive for June 2011

All the News That Isn’t

June 27, 2011

June 27, 2011

Circumcision no longer covered by Medicaid– but isn’t it a little late by then, anyway?

Talks with Taliban on, with congress off.

Talks with congress bog down in Biden.

New York, New York marriage passes. Same borough marriage.

Breaking his silence on same-sex marriage, President Obama says if he had it to do all over again it might be Craig and not Michele Robinson. Could work on his game.

President pulls 30,000 Taliban out of Afghanistan.

Vatican approves withdrawal.

President declares all bags fly free out of Afghanistan.

Critics of withdrawal says 10 years is abrupt.

Surge backwards very nearly spells egress.

Well, he’s young, there’ll be other surges for him.

Could take a while though–the British have been withdrawing from Afghanistan since 1842.

Obama approval numbers down to must kill soon.

Be kindest to put Newt to sleep. They shoot Newts, don’t they?

All his advisers quit and Calista doesn’t show for dinner.

Fed head Bernanke admits getting a B-minus/C-plus in econ.

Gates approves gays in private life.

Ron Paul must be high. LSD, too, judging by Rand.

Bristol Palin has a new book out “Not Afraid of Stupid.”
Mostly a response to Levi’s book “I’m With Stupid.”

May be the first time an author has written a book without having read one.

Kid who plays for the beer hole wins the US Open.

Hef to adopt instead of marry.

Hef may go with same-sex marriage–he’s been courting Mitch McConnell.

Jon Huntsman launches “Yes We Can-Can” campaign.

Primarily known as the man the Obamas sent out for Chinese.

Seizing opportunity, Michele Bachman to manage Washington Nationals.

NATO says it shoots anything with Libya, Libya, Libya on the label, label, label.

FDA cigarette warnings imply blowing smoke out your tracheostomy hole not sexy.

First Greek austerity measure as Parthenon goes condo.

John McCain says Arizona fires the result of spontaneous alien combustion.

Paul McCartney favored over Cubs at Wrigley Field.

Supreme Court rules Walmart can pay women everyday low wages.

Wisconsin Governor Walker signs slash and burn budget, now wife Tonette must give birth to the devil’s baby.

President releases 60 million barrels of oil–your job, grab some buckets and find out where.

Southwest pilot turns out to be 62, gay and ugly.
Feel free to move about your mouth.

Glen Campbell–by the time I get to–where was it again?
Glen, you are in Phoenix.

Scientists discover some people remember everything and they are all women . . .

. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .

All the Latest News That Isn’t

June 20, 2011

6-20-11

A kid who plays for the beer hole should not win the US Open.

On the upside, the first Weiner ever with a conscience

Debt ceiling goes down to 18th hole at Obama-Boehner match.
Boehner refused to give the president his usual mulligans.

Cubs-Yankees games a preview of the 1938 world series.

AARP backs early bird special at ethical suicide parlors.

A lot of the AARP higher-ups believe that Mr. Roosevelt will take care of them no matter what.

Sarkozy is French for Weiner.

Weiner was offered #3 in the Brewers sausage race.

United’s fleet of Commodore 64’s grounded. Hard to find those floppy disks.

Saudi women drive with inflatable males at the wheel.

Suspicious package at Pentagon not Weiner’s.

Canadians riot while Bruins fans take high tea.

Greeks roll out austerity package in huge wooden horse.

Greek austerity package not Weiner’s.

Obama tells Puerto Ricans: when you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way . . .

Rick Perry of Texas says if at first you don’t secede try, try again.

Romney positions self as Mormon John Kerry.

Unintended results as radiation from missile attacks produces a 50 foot Khadafy .

Weiner poster boy for concealed carry.

Lebron with head hanging still a food & a half above the rest of us.

Al-Zahromni new head of al-Qaeda investments.

Having successfully rammed through his agenda, Wisconsin Governor Walker down to putting his horse in the senate and marrying his sister.

Kucinich sues Obama over Libya and his dentures.

Not clear how Pakistanis knew the guys who turned in bin Laden were there.

Bin Laden wives remarry Mormon.

NFL meets with Taliban.

Senate votes to convert ethanol to corn,

and President Obama says running the country easy, raising daughters is hard . . .

. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t